Extreme points of views or extreme reactions to events are favorites for me. When a situation is bad, I usually leave it. When I can’t handle something, I ignore it or avoid it. I usually react to something that happens in an “either/or” fashion. For example, if I can’t get along with someone, I usually just walk away and give up talking to them. Or if I don’t succeed right away, I move on to something else. Dialectic Behavior Therapy argues that we should think of taking a middle road when facing problems rather than taking an “either/or” position. Instead of approaching life in a “take it or leave it” fashion, we should try finding a middle ground. Hence, instead of ignoring, dismissing, or running away from problems, I should be ignoring it a little and facing it a little. In other words, next time I find someone impossible to work with, I should try staying away from them somewhat but finding ways to connect at the same time.

I think a lot of our reactions are influenced by the perception we have about other’s perception of us. What I am trying to say is that extreme positions of “either/or” are influenced by the fact that we may think the other person doesn’t like us or is out to get us. Hence, taking the middle ground helps when one can get to a place where decisions are not influenced by what we think the other person is thinking. Many times we determine other people’s opinion of us by what we think. If we think someone is out to get us, we will influence them to take a stance similar to one of trying to hurt us. It helps when we can remain neutral about what other people are thinking. What I try to do is act and think as if my fear about what other people are thinking about me may be wrong. I find that my reactions are much less extreme and that a lot of times I am wrong about my fears.

Caveat: When we are being abused either physically or emotionally, it is not a good idea to try and compromise. Compromising with someone who is abuse or crazy doesn’t work.