WRONG:  The best remedy for getting over a painful experience is to ignore it or to do something that will get your mind off of it.

If you are partaking in this type of behavior, you are involved in “experiential avoidance” and that is not healthy according to some researchers. People who avoid their feelings tend to engage in substance abuse, impulsive risky behavior, emotional eating, and/or many other types of addictions.  People who want to get away from their negative feelings end up having panic, anxiety or depressive attacks.  It would seem that avoiding negative feelings would ease anxiety and depression.  It does not.  It makes them worse.  Judge for yourself whether it is better to say “yes” or “no” to negative feelings and thoughts.

There are various things you can do to engage with your negative feelings. Mindfulness is one of them.  It is the antithesis to avoidance. Mindfulness is about staying present in and with the immediate moment.  Mindfulness is about witnessing feelings and thoughts in a non-judgmental manner.  When you have a negative feeling,

1. Take a moment and acknowledge the feeling, such as “I am feeling anxious”
2. Allow the feeling to stay inside you without having thoughts about whether it is good or bad.
3. Breathe
4. Become aware of where in your body you most feel this negative feeling
5. Fight the urge to get rid of the feeling.  Every time your mind tries to convince you to pay attention to something else, tell it to be quiet.

Therapies abound that incorporate a mindful approach.  They help people address the “struggle” they have with emotions rather than changing the emotion.  If you think about the relationship you are having with a negative feeling or thought rather than finding cause or meaning, you will get closer to allowing the feeling to be.  Being aware and acceptant of your feelings is liberating;  breathing becomes deeper and easier.  It is a sweet pleasure.

Chawla, N., & Ostafin, B. (January 01, 2007). Experiential avoidance as a functional dimensional approach to psychopathology: an empirical review. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 63, 9, 871-90.