Morgan, E. & Thompson, E. (2010).  Processes of sexual orientation questioning among heterosexual women.  Journal of Sex Research, 48(1).

Puts, D., Jones, B., DeBruine, L. (2012). Sexual Selection on Human Faces and Voices, Journal of Sex Research, 49(2-3), 227-243.

Carvallo, J. & Nobre, P. (2011).  Predictors of Men’s Sexual Desire:  The Role of Psychological, Cognitive-Emotional, Relational, and Medical Factors.  Journal of Sex Research, 48(2-3).

This study documented that 3/4 of women they interviewed viewed cunnilingus as a positive event.  However, the study reported that women wanted it more in a long-term relationship than in one night stands.  This study suggested that women view cunnilingus as a very intimate act and long-term relationships affords them the opportunity to explore this intimacy, or to “let down their guard.”

This study concluded that one cannot anticipate whether a woman will want to engage in cunnilingus.  Some will, some wont and some of the women that view it positively will enjoy it more in long-term relationships.  At the same time, some women change their views on cunnilingus after their partners insist on trying it out.

Whether or not a woman likes cunnilingus is dependent on how comfortable she feels with her body (shape, weight, and smell).  The more positive you feel about your body, the greater sexual pleasure you will experience.  Women express more negative perceptions regarding their genitals than men.

In the end, the secret lies in paying attention to what your partner is communicating in regards to their pleasure.  Some people are vocal about what they find pleasurable and some use their bodies to communicate.  If you pay attention to body movements, you can get a good idea about whether or not a woman wants to engage in cunnilingus.  Some women are accustomed to thinking about the other person’s pleasure and will need to be convinced that their partner wants to give pleasure rather than receive pleasure.  In other words, they may have to be convinced that cunnilingus is something that their partner’s find pleasurable doing.  Also, some women may need time to create some intimacy before they find cunnilingus pleasurable.

Backstrom, L., Puentes, J., & Armstrong, E. A. (January 01, 2012). Women’s negotiation of cunnilingus in college hookups and relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 49, 1, 1-12.

Most people around the world are dissatisfied with their bodies.  Even children are plagued with low body satisfaction.  Studies have found that over 50% of elementary aged girls are dissatisfied with their body size.

Check out this site if you want to get some ideas about how to become more satisfied with your body.  Basically, you want to become aware of your feelings and thoughts regarding your body.  After you increased your awareness, you want to change these thoughts and feelings.

You can spend hours, days, and even weeks and a lot of therapy trying to answer questions such as: Why do I get so angry? Why didn’t I get that job? Why did she dump me? There are times when it is good to look for answers, but there are other times when it is best to let it rest.

Questions cannot be answered with any accuracy. There are many answers to the same question; I could understand my anger, for example, to be rooted in some childhood trauma or I could understand it to be rooted in a need to manage stress. The answers we get depend on the book we are reading, the person we are talking to, or the time in which we answer the question. It may even depend on the weather.

When we ask questions we go into our heads (we think) and we remove ourselves from what we are experiencing in the moment. Looking for answers takes us away from just being. We spend a lot of time on Google or reading books looking for answers and we spend less and less time in a non-thinking state. To simply be and not ask questions lets us experience full contact with our experiences and ourselves. In a non-thinking state we experience the moment at hand with greater intensity.

Gestalt theorists state that a person grows when in full contact with the moment at hand.  Full contact means being aware of an experience and not letting things such as fear, anxiety, sadness, or guilt interfere with the contact. This is a mindful, meditative, and non-thinking state and it promotes growth and access to a different form of knowledge.

Typically our source of knowledge is tangible and conscious, in the form of books, movies, dialogue, etc. However, we have access to a different source of knowledge. It is intangible and somewhat mystical. It is accessed through moments of not thinking.  When we are in a state of non-thinking, we have access to knowledge that is beyond our conscious or physical experience.  It comes to us in a state of being and non-thinking.

Scholars argue that taking a break from thinking and from looking for answers is crucial to the creative process. Often, brilliant solutions or thoughts surface when we are in a state of rest and relaxation and when we are not in direct pursuit of answers.

So, if you want different information about your life or about a situation, take a moment and don’t ask anything.

Placator:  This stance involves feeling like one is wrong and that one needs to apologize and please someone else.  This stances places the person in a position of “lesser than” which  needs approval and recognition from someone else.  The placator will always try to avoid conflict.  Most often, this begs one to spend most of one’s time attending to what is important and urgent to others and ignoring the same for themselves.  This position is usually one that hides fear.   This is one of the most common communication stances.

Blamor: This stance involves protecting oneself from pain by blaming others.  It is a position of superiority because the other is to blame.  They are often aggressive and dictatorial.  Blamors always find fault and are critical.

Computer
In this stance the person is logical and reasonable. They don’t speak in terms of what they are feeling but rather by what they think.  They present as calm and in control.  Computers remain in the abstract and stay away from feelings because they may be afraid of feelings.

Distractor
This stance is one of placing attention elsewhere so that they don’t have to face reality.  Many times the distractor will attempt to relieve tension by joking, moving, doing or saying something irrelevant, etc.

1. The freedom to see and hear what is here, instead of what “should” be, was, or will be.
2. The freedom to say what you feel and think, instead of what you “should” feel and think.
3. The freedom to feel what you feel, instead of what you “ought” to feel.
4. The freedom to ask for what you want, instead of always waiting for permission.
5. The freedom to take risks on you own behalf, instead of choosing to be only “secure”.