GARCIAWESTBERG

What is Your Quality of Life? Or, How Happy Are You?

admin — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 00:48:14 +0000

The following categories are generally used to measure quality of life:

Health
Self-esteem
Goals and values, or philosophy of life
Standardof living
Work
Recreation
Learning
Creativity
Helping or social service and civic action
Love relationship
Friendships
Relationshipswith children
Relationshipswith relatives
Home
Neighborhood
Community

The Past and Behavior: Is There Something More To It?

admin — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 00:46:31 +0000

I have been functioning under the assumption that we need to understand our past in order to change our present. It is common for therapist to agree that if someone isn’t aware of their “issues” in regards to their past, that we will repeat the same dysfunctional patterns of behavior. If I tend to choose mates who are violent and I am not aware of the fact that it is partly because of my history with my over-controlling and critical mother, for example, that I will continue to choose violent partners.

I’ve spent years upon years analyzing the influence of past behaviors on current behaviors. I know that it is extremely beneficial to many, I am not arguing against it. What I do want to challenge is our understanding that this is the “best” and only way to change behavior. I think that everyone behaves the way they do because of the context in which they are embedded. So, yes a person murders or steals because of the interaction between the environment and his individual self. If the environment was different, the behavior would be different. Hence, if behavior is strongly dependent on environment, then thinking about past issues is just not enough to change behavior. What we really need is a change in context. So, for the person who chooses violent partners, it is not deep personal exploration that will change their behavior but rather a change in circumstances. This person could surround themselves with non-controlling and nurturing people for a while. They will find themselves choosing other types of mates thereafter.

What is Happiness?

admin — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 00:46:31 +0000

The dictionary definition of happiness is “a feeling of well-being and contentment.”[i] Others define happiness as a state of being determined by how satisfied one thinks one is and how much one is growing. Then again, others feel happiness is a decision – you can only be as happy as you decide to be.

Psychologist Martin Seligman provides the acronym PERMA to summarize Positive Psychology’s correlational findings: humans seem happiest when they have

Pleasure (tasty foods, warm baths, etc.),
Engagement (or flow, the absorption of an enjoyed yet challenging activity),
Relationships (social ties have turned out to be extremely reliable indicator of happiness),
Meaning (a perceived quest or belonging to something bigger), and
Accomplishments (having realized tangible goals).

[i] Retrieved from Merriam-Webster dictionary online www.merriam-webster.com on 1/15/11.

To Make New Ground or Refine What Has Already Been Done?

admin — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 13:44:44 +0000

I have always thought that the way to go about life was through innovation. This interview makes me question, but I’ve resolved to believed that, as with anything else, it is a bit of both. However, I am thankful that this short quote will make me stop and reconsider changing paths without contemplating refinement of what I have, or others, have already done. From An Interview with Art Garfunkel:

I’m a mathematician who’s anal-compulsive. So I don’t want to freshen up the song each performance. To me, singing is execution. You don’t throw out what you’ve learned to execute. You refine what you’ve learned. And I run into a difference of opinion with Paul on this. When we tour, after the eighteenth show Paul invariably goes, “Now we know it. I’m tired of the show. Let’s move on to some other project.” And I go, “No. Now we’re ready to execute it.” Execution is where it’s at, man. Refine and refine. Find the inner beauty within and keep going. Live to refine. But for every one of me, there’s nine of the other type: Keep it fresh through reinvention.

Thinking Too Much Leads To Unhappiness

admin — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 19:35:06 +0000

Researchers have found that people who think too much, or dwell, on the negatives in life, are less happy than those who do not[1]. So much so, that those who are prone to dwelling spiral downwards quicker when they face negative life stressors.

“Ruminative, intrusive thoughts have been found to deplete people’s cognitive resources”

Having negative thoughts is not good for our happiness, but yet negative thoughts pervade our lives. I find myself having negative thoughts several times a day. If you pay attention, you may find that you are having negative thoughts more often than you would like to acknowledge.

Dwelling on the negative is like everything else in life, the more you do it, the worse it gets. Or, the more you hang around those who do it, the more you will do it. For example, if you come from a family that routinely sees the negative, you are more likely to see the negative as well. Consequently, the more you dwell on the negative, the more negative life becomes, and the more negative you become.

On the other hand, negative thoughts are good because they protect us and help us grow. For example, if I think about the fact that I did badly on an exam, I will correct my mistake in the future. The problem with negative thoughts begins when we think about how badly we did on the exam, over and over again. The excess of negative thoughts doesn’t allow people to do anything else but sit there and obsess. Negative thoughts can be paralyzing. Rumination, or obsessive thoughts, can stop you from being clear headed enough to move on.

How do we stop from dwelling on the negative? The answer is to do the opposite. If thinking negatively leads to more negative thinking, then thinking positively will lead to more positive thinking. The more positive thinking we have, the happier we will be. I would suggest the following in order to change negative obsessive thoughts:

Become aware of your negative thoughts and attitudes throughout your day. Take inventory of where you stand.
Decide that you want to become more positive in life. This step is harder than it appears because being negative works for many of us. In other words, being negative gives us something. For example, you may fear that your mother will let you down, so you keep your distance from her. You do this by constantly criticizing or having negative thoughts about her. The negative thoughts keep you from getting close to her and consequently from getting hurt.
If there are people or areas in life that create negativity, think about alternate ways to get what you get from them (laughter, fun times, connections, etc.) without the negativity.
Every time a negative thought or attitude comes up replace it with a positive thought or feeling. This can be achieved by thinking of something that you have done well in the past or by thinking about a positive experience. You can also think of something positive in the future.
Meditate on how you would like to feel in the future. If you would like to feel more positive and happier, then imagine what that would feel like in the future. Having the feeling of positivity or happiness even for a few seconds will open up the path to more of the same type of feelings. Remember, doing something leads to doing more of the same.

[1] Lyubomirsky, S., Boehm, J. K., Kasri, F., & Zehm, K. (2011). The cognitive and hedonic costs of dwelling on achievement-related negative experiences: Implications for enduring happiness and unhappiness. Emotion, 11(5), 1152-1167.

How To Survive Hard Times

admin — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 15:17:19 +0000

Everyone faces hard times at some point or another. Economic uncertainty, strained family relationships, or health problems, are just a few examples of hard times that come to mind. Hardships have one thing in common: they create a sense of desperation and uncertainty. Hard times can make most of us emotionally unstable and maybe even depressed. Depression is the last thing one needs when facing difficult times. How can we make sure we don’t make things worse by becoming sad, withdrawn, and defeated when we are faced with hard times?

6 Ways to Conquer the Fear of Rejection

admin — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 22:27:54 +0000

Harvey Mackay from Inc. writes an inspiring article about conquering rejection!

The Key To Success

admin — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 13:07:14 +0000

Read this.  It will help you succeed in life.  The basic premise is that in order to become great at anything, you must put in 10,000 hours of practice.  And it must be deliberate practice, where you go beyond your comfort zone to make yourself better.  You also must have mentoring or coaching.  They dispel myths regarding those stories of people of made it overnight.  When they looked at this people, they found that they had practiced over and over again until their hands bled in order to make "overnight" success.  It's a good read.

The Secret to “The Secret”

admin — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 00:30:24 +0000

It’s taken me years, but I think I got The Secret figured out. For those of you who don’t know, “The Secret” is a book/movie that advocates for the notion that whatever you believe and imagine about your life becomes your reality. So, if you image that you own a beautiful mansion, you will eventually get that mansion. Their motto is, “ask and the universe will provide.” There is one caveat however. It works for things you think about not wanting as well. Hence, if you imagine and believe you are a loser, that is what you will be. Back to my discovery. I’ve witnessed that the ideas behind The Secret worked but I couldn’t accept that it was simply magic or metaphysical will. Today I spent the whole day thinking about this and found the answer I was looking for. When we imagine something, we think about the details of that thing (actually the promoters of The Secret state that the more detail you imagine, the better the end result), you identify the things you will need to get that thing. Hence, if I think and believe that my book will be a best seller and that I will be interviewed by Ellen (and it will!), I think about the questions Ellen will ask of me which make me hone in on my marketing strategy for the book. Or if I think about the moment Ellen will call me on the phone to ask me to come on the show, I imagine that she says, “Marisol you’re book is being talked about by everyone; I want to interview you.” I then realize that I have to sell a lot of books for Ellen to call me and this makes me focus in on how I will sell so many copies. The visualization goes on and on and helps one to strategize and know what one needs to do to get to the ultimate goal. The secret to The Secret is not the most genius of discoveries, but I feel like I have uncovered a treasure!

Work Is Making Americans Sick

admin — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 15:19:12 +0000

Although the Declaration of Independence promises the pursuit of happiness as a natural and legal right, stress, anxiety, and depression kill more people in the United States than anything else. These emotional states lead to diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. Most of the stressors involved are due to job related events. We are overworked and over-indebted. Our need and compulsion to work as much as we do is making us a sick society. “Depression affects more than 21 million American children and adults annually and is the leading cause of disability in the United States for individuals ages 15 to 44.” Suicide is a leading cause of death in the United States. “By 2020, Major Depressive illness will be the leading cause of disability in the world for women and children.”

I’ve studied most, and applied many, of the therapeutic models out there. Many of them are based on figuring out why we do the things that we do. The reasons abound such as family history, cultural influences, childhood experiences, emotional nature, etc. Understanding these things is important to a certain extent, but I find that sometimes this isn’t enough. There are times when knowing all the “why’s” does not make the emotional pain go away.

During a particular painful time in my life when nothing I had learned as a therapist helped me feel good, I forced my body into action. I stopped thinking and did something. I made a list of things that made me feel good (pleasure) and went down the list, doing one action after the other, until I started to feel better. It worked. It occurred to me that if I made my body do things that gave me pleasure in a purposefull manner, I could be happier. And it did, so I started to research pleasure and happiness. It turns out that I am not alone.

Researchers and scholars argue that engaging in pleasurable activities is a critical component of happy people’s lives. There are therapeutic interventions, such as DBT, that prescribe engagement in pleasurable activities as a way to manage emotional pain. Now, instead of thinking about why something is happening, I try to force myself into some type of focused action. Sometimes the thinking about the problem becomes ruminating and can send you into a downward spiral. I find that it is better to stop the thinking and start the doing. As long as the doing is something that will get you in touch with yourself and your body.

References

http://www.nami.org

http://nationranking.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/2011-qli2.png